Saturday, April 23, 2016


I haven't been posting much, I know, and I'm SORRY but I've been slumping and writing and it's camp and seriously, the slumps are getting me down. BUT... Today is my 20th birthday!

*cue confetti*

Honestly, I'm not old enough to hate my birthday yet, I know but I do. I've always hated getting old okay? Ever since I was like 13, I've just hated it. I want to be Peter Pan basically. Having said that, I actually thought I would feel worse about this birthday. When I was younger, I thought turning 20 would be a giant deal cause....20 you're like a person now. A real person, with responsibilities. You aren't just a teenager anymore. But, I mean, just like any birthday, now that it's's not really a big deal? I'm excited. I'm happy to be 20 and scared because what is life and what am I doing with it?

Everyone does cool posts for their birthdays so let's see...

So every year since I was...16? Definitely 16 but maybe even 15. I've made myself a birthday playlist. Most of them I still have somewhere (hopefully all of them but I'm not really positive) and I basically never listen to them actually but it's just become something I do. A week or so before my birthday I sit down and make a playlist for it. Last year, I shared my playlist and I put on it songs that reminded me of that year. I picked songs I'd listened to a ton when I was 18, ones from concerts I went to, ones I listened to on repeat when road tripping with my brothers. This year I kind of just did all the songs I currently love listening to and all the songs I hope will represent this year. It's something kinda stupid and cheesy but one day I might actually go back and listen to the songs I picked to put on the playlist for my 20th year and here it will be.

Also, since I'm turning 20 (how the hell did that happen?), I'm going to share things...facts and goals?
Let's do 10 facts, 3 goals to meet before I turn 23 (because 23 is a big deal to me for no reason honestly except it will be my golden birthday turning 23 on the 23rd), 3 life goals, and 1 goal to met before I turn 21

10 Facts About Me, Who Is An Offical 20 Year-Old:

1. I LOVE coffee.

2. I used to hate coffee, especially the taste but now's not just the caffeine, I will eat and drink and swim in anything that tastes like coffee.

3. I've always had a giant fear of growing up. I am not over it yet.

4. I fully plan on being a crazy cat lady when I grow up (when do you stop saying "when I grow up?"). I'm not being dramatic. I'm not going to change my mind. I want to grow up not to have a husband and kids but lots of cats and books.

5. I recently fell down the fandom rabbit hole and joined Tumblr for fandom reasons and this was a horrible life decision that I do not regret.

6. I literally haven't had my natural hair color in over four years. Since I was around 16. I started dying my hair before then but I still had mostly my natural color, which is brown. Right now it's blond with bright (if faded) streaks.

7. I like wearing glasses. I don't want contacts or surgery or anything. I think I look good with glasses and they make me feel smart.

8. I HATE getting dressed so when I have to go to the store or something I usually just put on a clean shirt and leave in my pajama pants and slippers.

9. But I really like doing my makeup so I'm usually wearing makeup at the same time.

10. I'm 20 now and I don't have my drivers license. Though I am finally learning how to drive, I've always planned on being like Sheldon from Big Bang Theory. I am not a good driver, okay?

3 Goals to meet before I turn 23:

3. Have my own personal library. This is a good, reasonable goal, right?

2. Go to BEA. Everyone is preparing for it again and by the time I am 23, I will have gone, damn it!

1. Grow as a writer. Obviously, as a general goal, I would like to have an agent by then and hopefully a book deal but I can't control that. So, I want to still write just as much as I do now, not give up, and have continued to grow and learn as a writer.

3 Life Goals:

3. Become a crazy cat lady.

2. Travel. Of course, I went through the phase where I wanted to be anywhere but where I was born, and I want to see lots of the world, but I will settle for mine and my mom's newest plan which involves an RV and just living in it and driving around all over whenever we want.

1. To get an agent. To get published and never ever stop writing.


Honestly, I went over this a lot, trying to figure out what to set my goal as. I'm not huge on like resolution type things, I don't believe in setting ones you have no control over. My first thought was to say writing and not stop writing and all this, but I put that everywhere else and that's kind of my life's goal, not give up on my writing, get published and all that. Instead of coming up with some BIG THING and making a list of things I want to do before I turn 21 or whatever, I'm picking something simple. Get a new tattoo. Since I was seventeen, I've always gotten a new tattoo right around/after my birthday so this is something fun and that I can do and that I want to do so there you have it.

So I'm going to spend the day doing whatever I want, so I will be going to breakfast with my family, my favorite used bookstore, then spending a few hours doing nothing (Ie: playing with my new computer and reading), then I'm going to see Jungle Book and get cheesecake and basically have lots of fun. We're playing on going to play skeeball which is something my brothers and I used to love and haven't done in forever so basically it will be lots of fun. And I'm giving myself Sunday off of everything as a birthday present, plus it's my second birthday (this is a real thing, until I was 10, my mom thought my birthday was the 24th, this is a sore point). And I think I've run out of things. One last screaming HOW CAN I BE 20??? And we're done. =)

Thank you all you lovely people by the way, for not ditching me while I haven't been posting or doing anything really.

Tell me something fun you've done recently, please? It's my birthday wish! Also, does anyone want to come with me to find Neverland???? We can leave tomorrow! Tell me a fun birthday memory or a fun memory from when you were 20 if you are older than 20!


  1. Happy birthday, sweetie! I hope you're having an amazing day. <3 I'm trying to remember something fun from when I was 20, but I can't really come up with something. Those were not great years for me, sadly. What I can say is that I'm turning 32 next week, and I still haven't grown up. Or gotten my driver's license. Cause you know, I don't drive. :P All feels like very good life choices, though.. ;)

    1. THANK YOU, Petra! <3<3<3
      I did have a pretty amazing day. Also, I have full confidence that 32 is going to be your best year yet. ;) Growing up is overrated is what I'm hearing from everyone neverland I go!!! Feel free to join me. =)

  2. Happy birthday Shay! I have my licence but I never drive. I hate it and I'm not good at it. I'll join you in Neverland! Growing up sucks! I can't be a crazy cat lady, I'm allergic, but I wish you luck.

    We have these rich people who host conferences near my house, (they never wave or anything) You should see their expressions when I go to the mailbox in my pajamas! Haha!

    Happy writing! Have a great day!

    1. Molly! I haven't talked to you in literally FOREVER. How are you? How's writing???

      Thank you so much! Yeah, I'm learning to drive but I am not very good. I'm mostly learning because brother is finally learning and I can't have him know how to do something that I can't. I don't really need to drive anyway. YEEES, let's go to Neverland! I think there we could find a cure for your cat allergies. ;)

      Haha. That would be great to see. I love the looks I get going to the store in my pajamas, and I'm just like whatever random people, I'm living my best life, can you say the same thing??? Haha.

  3. Happy birthday, Shay!! I remember what it felt like to hate the idea of "growing up" - even when you're 20, you don't necessarily feel like a real live adult. Heck, I'm 42 and sometimes I wonder at my maturity! :-)

    I hope you're having a wonderful birthday today!!

    Nicole @ Feed Your Fiction Addiction

    1. Thank you, Nicole!!! Right??? I had assumed that by now I'd feel at least a little like an adult but most the time I don't even remember that I'm technically an adult. Shouldn't there be a test you have to pass or something??? To prove you're an actual real adult. Haha.

      Thank you! It was a pretty wonderful day. =D

  4. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!! I was about to yell and such that I was mad at myself for missing it but then I realized- I hadn't! I mean, if you were here I would have. But you aren't. You're there, and I did not miss it there! WOO HOO!

    Ah, 20. First, I am STILL with you about the fear of growing up. I still don't see myself as much more than a half-assed grownup anyway. If that. Maybe no one ever feels like a real grown up, and we all just pretend until we're 80 and like "oh shit, we must actually be grown ups for real, huh?" My theory, anyway ;)

    I also hate pants. Are we Tumblr... friends? Or whatever the hell they're called on Tumblr? I also got sucked down recently, because of The 100. Damn them. So we should be uhhh Tumbles. (I think I have lost my mind.)

    ANYWAY. Happy birthday, I hope you have had an AMAZING day!!! ♥♥♥

    1. THANK YOU, Shannon! Haha. I never doubted that you wouldn't make it on time. Gotta love when time zones work in your favor though, right?

      I'm beginning to think your theory may be right. I'd kind of just assumed that by now I'd feel a little bit like an adult but then I go and drink a juice box and it's just I even allowed to call myself an adult??? I was actually, you know, mostly okay with the 20 thing - it's not a giant deal besides the fact that you can no longer deny you're an adult - then someone pointed out it was 2 decades and that...that's SCARY okay???

      It's a conspiracy, apparently everyone hates pants, why do we wear them??? Okay, first of all, I have no idea what it's called on Tumblr but we should Tumble... Yup, Tumble. We should follow each other and then we can message all the time and talk all about The 100 (when I catch up, I fell behind and now I'm going to binge it soon though) and I can convince you to watch Shadowhunters because that's what pulled me down the rabbit hole and it's actually better than you might think at first. BUT YES, we should Tumbles and it's okay, I lost my mind a while ago so now we match! =)

      THANK YOU Shannon, you are the best. <3

  5. OH a birthday memory! Goodness, I nearly forgot. My 20th birthday.... thinks back... I remember my 19th and my 21st... what the heck happened on my 20th!?!? OH I know- I had a LiveJournal back then! If I can remember the password, it might tell me 😂

    (Literally took me a few minutes to determine which year I turned 20 during...) SO as it turns out, I do not remember my 19th birthday, I DO remember my 20th, which I thought was my 19th. I had a swim meet that day, in Maryland apparently. And I got presents from people. And drank Mike's hard lemonade. And then I skipped class the next day. My point is, you are clearly in a better frame of mind than I was bwhahahha!

    Also, kudos to LiveJournal for still existing 13 years later.... 😦

    1. Haha. I love your dedication to remembering but seriously, how do you remember any birthday? I can only just remember what I did for my 19th, I can't remember my 18th!

      Okay, okay. So maybe I'm mature in some ways since I didn't get drunk and skip class, BUT I don't have class and well, I'm not a drinker and I DID go play skee ball at the arcade...? Haha. I think I'd call myself responsible but not mature...does that count for being partially an adult?

      Seriously, can we get a round of applause for LiveJournal? =)

  6. SHAY OH MY GOSH YOU'RE 20!!! Happy birthday and thank you so much for being a great blogger/writer/friend! (You're the best *cry* I SWEAR) <3

    Just like you, I'm deadly scared of growing up. Especially now that I'm turning 16 later this year, it freaks me out how I'm slowly getting older and older. People around me are starting to practice driving cars, and here I am -- reading books. And plus, I'm short with a height of 4'10". LIKE HOW AM I TURNING 16 ALREADY? :(( I totally agree with your dream of having a personal library too! AND SHAY YOU'RE ALREADY AN AWESOME WRITER. I COULD ONLY HOPE YOU BECOME AN AWESOME(ER) WRITER THROUGH AND THROUGH <3

    Happy birthday!!!

    1. No, you're the BEST, JILLIAN! *sobs* Thank you so much, Jillian!

      Gah, I remember how freaked out I was to turn 16. I'm glad I'm not the only one! Unfortunately, if you're like me, it's not something you'll soon get over. I'm short too! Like, how can I be 20 when I still look like I'm 12???

      Personal libraries would be the greatest, wouldn't they? GAH, you're killing me, Jillian, thank you so so much for saying all that though! It really helps my confidence, and you're awesome and an awesome writer toooo! <3<3<3

      Thank you!!! =)